Positively Foolproof
by olympius
Summary: There were hundreds of things that could have gone wrong at Rose Weasley's sorting, but she never anticipated being the only Gryffindor in her year. But life goes on for Rose, until her sixth year that is. That's when Scorpius Malfoy turns up and starts walking all over Rose's territory. Not cool. He had to go, that much was certain. Her solution? Prank him out of Hogwarts.
1. Chapter 1

At some stage everybody faces a decision that will change their life forever. For some people it's an easy choice to make, most of us get slightly more worked up about the finality of it all. For me, well I didn't exactly get much of a say in the matter.

It all started five years ago when I first arrived at Hogwarts. I could tell you that my eleven year old self was completely in awe of the castle with its great oak doors and turrets that seemed to reach the sky, but in truth I didn't notice any of that. I mean sure it was pretty spectacular but I was a bit preoccupied with my cousin who had chosen that moment to start hyperventilating.

"Just breathe in and out Al, everything's going to be fine. In and out, you're doing great." There's nothing better to distract you from your own imminent doom than having to calm down an eleven year old boy on the verge of a panic attack. And there's no need to worry about any possible distractions from this task such as, oh I don't know, a teacher coming to help you out. I mean, sending out a teacher to look after the panicky 11 year old on their first day of school? No, that would make way too much sense. This was Hogwarts after all, where by all accounts my parents nearly died every other day.

"Thanks Rose" Al smiled weakly once he'd finally sorted himself out. "Just got a bit worked up about the sorting."

"Oh really? I hadn't noticed." I responded dryly. I was quite sarky at that age. Not much has changed. "Are you going to be able to make it through the ceremony or do you want me to go and get someone?"

"No I'll be fine, don't worry about me." Al had said, standing up as he did so as if to emphasise how incredibly okay he was.

"Okay, if you're sure. I think they're just finishing up the speech about how we should all get along and make friends and blah blah blah, so we'll probably be going through in a second." I risked another glance at him at this stage, not wanting to appear too overprotective. "You're absolutely sure you're going to be okay?" I asked. Al nodded and grimaced slightly, he always was too stubborn for his own good.

It was then that the huge oak doors before us were swung forward, revealing the Great Hall of Hogwarts and our eventual cataclysmic destruction. Okay maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but being judged in front of a large group of strangers was a scary prospect for eleven year old Rose.

So we all reluctantly shuffled towards the front of the hall, though I think most of us would have preferred it if the floor had just opened up then and there and sucked us down into the fiery pits of hell. Again, I realise this is possibly a bit of an exaggeration but haven't any of you ever heard of dramatic story telling? Anyway, I was part way through the most awkwardly silent walk of my life so far when it hit me. I wasn't just nervous about the sorting. I was bloody terrified.

Of course I know now that my parents wouldn't have actually disowned my if I'd ended up somewhere other than Gryffindor, not for more than a few weeks at any rate, but once I'd started freaking out I couldn't stop. What if I fell over? What if everybody laughed at me? What if the hat told me it was all just a big mistake and I had to spend the rest of the year living with Hagrid?

Yeah it may not sound too bad to you, but unless you've eaten one of Hagrid's rock cakes you wouldn't understand.

So by the time "Adams, Ava" had been called up I figured I had one of two choices:

Succumb to my greatest fears and throw up right there, in front of everybody

Block out all of my surroundings and pray to Merlin I could make it through this without resorting to the first option

I realise neither were very fail safe plans, but I was in the middle of a crisis, what did you expect?

Fast forward a bit and I was still solidly sticking to plan two, meaning I'd been staring at the floor for approximately twenty minutes. Which was fine, until being a Weasley meant I was the last person to be called up and I probably looked a bit psychotic, standing on my own in the middle of the room and staring at the floor.

Thankfully when "Weasley, Rose" was finally called out I managed to make it to the stool without falling over. It may have been a small victory but at the time it felt like my very own Waterloo. This feeling of victory was quickly diminished however, when the hat was placed on my head and promptly covered all but the tip of my nose. Apparently I have a very small head.

"Another Weasley is it? I'm starting to lose track of you all, you know." This hat sounds like my Nana Molly. "I'll take that as a compliment." The fact that the hat could apparently hear me almost caused me to fall off my stool in shock. Almost.

"It's not as easy to sort you all anymore either. Oh no, gone are the days when I could place you all in Gryffindor without a second thought, no now you're all rebelling against the status quo. It's extremely inconvenient." This seemed an opportune moment to take advantage of the hats apparently superb listening skills. I mean, I was there to get sorted not have some lecture on the complexity of my many cousins' personalities.

"Always the same, everybody's so impatient. Nobody ever wants to actually listen to the dusty old hat, do they? Oh no, everybody just wants to know where they're going to be sorted. It's most discourteous, I tell you." I don't think it's physically possible for me to convey just how much I wanted that hat to shut up.

"Fine, fine it was an obvious choice anyway. I think I'll send you to GRYFFINDOR!" A couldn't hide my grin as the hat was lifted off my face and I hurried to the Gryffindor table where James and Freddie were calling me over.

James mussed up my hair as I sat down which normally makes me want to slap him, but at that point I was so happy that my Dad wouldn't be kicking me out that I just laughed it off. There were then congratulations from some of James' friends and a speech which I didn't listen to, before we were presented with the most mouth watering display of food I'd seen in my life. I kid you not, this spread could have given Nana Molly a run for her money… but don't tell her I said that.

After I'd piled up my plate with everything I could get my hands on I started to look around for the other first years. I mean, it's all very well having cousins in the year above, but considering they wouldn't be in any of my lessons and half the time I want to strangle them with my bare hands, it was probably a good idea to make some other friends.

That's when I first realised something wasn't quite right.

And by 'not quite right' I mean 'a horrendous catastrophe'.

You see, whilst I'd spent plenty of time fretting about trivial things such as falling over in front of the whole school or having to go and live with Hagrid, I'd never anticipated the situation I currently found myself in.

Because it didn't matter how many times I looked up and down that table, checking, double checking, and triple checking just to be on the safe side, my conclusion was always the same. There were no other first years at that table.

And that, my dears, is how my story begins.


	2. Chapter 2

When I was younger I couldn't wait to be 16.

'Sweet 16' that's what they called it. The age where everything magically falls into place; you're talented and popular, you date the star of the quidditch team, and you look a bit less like a toad.

What? I go to Hogwarts, stranger things have happened!

But alas I inherited my Mum's penchant for divination and my 16 year old reality is anything but sweet.

I mean sure, being the only Gryffindor in your year certainly has it's advantages; you can sing in the shower without being judged, you don't have to worry about being ridiculed for still sleeping with your favourite toy (Snuffles needs me, okay! He gets very lonely.) and most importantly there's an entire empty room in the boy's dorms at your disposal. I claimed it back in first year, I can be very intimidating.

But life can get kind of lonely.

Personally I think I'm positively charming but that seems to be a pretty unpopular opinion. It's not like I'm some demon spawn or anything, it's just I can be pretty brash. And sarcastic. And brutally honest. And also my hair's disgustingly frizzy but I don't think that has anything to do with it.

So yeah, not being forced to socialise with people kind of means I don't; I mean, who takes a look at their friends and realises 80% of them are family members? Who does that?

Me apparently. What a lovely revelation to have on the first day of school.

I mean I'm sitting here on the Hogwarts Express, heading to the start of my sixth year at school and as I look around at my friends I can't help but feel like a complete loser.

"So how are you going to cope without us next year, Rosie?"

Oh yeah great thanks for reminding me, James. As if it wasn't bad enough that I'm related to all my friends, most of them are in the year above me meaning they're going into their last year at Hogwarts and next year I'm going to spend my time eating the entire stock of Honeydukes and crying about my perpetual loneliness.

Actually that's pretty much what I'll be doing this year, except for now I have to share the chocolate.

"Oh, I don't know James, if you don't actually do some work this year I might have you to keep me company" I grin.

James gasps and clutches his hand to his heart as though my words have mortally wounded him "Excuse you, I'll have you know I aced my OWLs!"

Dom rolls her eyes "James you didn't 'ace' them, you got a D in History of Magic."

"So did my Dad and he saved the wizarding world so there" James sticks his tongue out at Dom who's probably wondering when her 17 year old cousin was replaced with a toddler. I know I am. I mean I love James but the whole "my dad saved the world" thing gets a bit tired when you hear it ten times a day.

Dom just shoots him her most condescending look and goes back to reading her copy of 'Which Broomstick?'. Looking at Dom you wouldn't suspect she was such a quidditch nut but don't let the general 'I don't give a fuck' attitude confuse you. She may not care what other people think about her but damn is that girl competitive, and this is coming from me of all people.

"But seriously Rose, are you going to be okay next year? I mean you're not exactly the most popular girl in your year and I'd hate to think you'll be all by yourself next year." Ah Jules, as usual the lone voice of genuine concern. Maybe it's something to do with being the only Hufflepuff in our group, or maybe it's just a side effect of being the most perfect person ever to walk the halls of Hogwarts, but she honestly never has a bad word to say about anybody. She just sort of floats around with her butterscotch hair and big doey eyes being a perfect sweetheart to everyone she meets. It can get a bit sickening sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I love her to pieces and may have had a slight obsession with her since I was 13 (What? The girl's practically a disney princess!) but being somewhat bitter at heart there's only so much sweetness my body can take.

However I can't help but notice that on this occasion Jules' words had a bit of a kick to them.

"Hey guys cut it out okay, I'll be fine! I know this may shock you but I'm not a complete social outcast- I have friends in my year!"

James lets out a rather unattractive snort, causing Dom to wrinkle up her face in disgust and shoot him yet another scathing look over the pages of her magazine. "Go on then dear Rosie tell us, who are these so called friends of yours?" he asks, raising his eyebrow expectantly. Somebody needs to tell him he looks like an idiot when he does that.

"Well, there's-"

"And don't say Al- family doesn't count!" he smirks at me from across the compartment.

"Wha- that's not fair! I mean look who's talking James, your best friends," I start to point at the various people assembled in our compartment, "are Freddie who's your cousin, Dom who's also your cousin, Finn who's your next door neighbour, and Jules… well okay I'll give you Jules but you've known everyone else since you were a kid so don't go all hypocritical on me James Sirius Potter!"

There's a moment's silence after my outburst, I don't want to say it was awkward but, no yeah it was slightly awkward. That is until Freddie decided to speak up with a distinct air of thoughtfulness to his voice "Maybe the reason you don't have any friends in your year is because you use people's middle names as a defence mechanism."

We all turn to admire the visible expression of self satisfaction that has adorned Freddie's face after his latest genius discovery. The boy's so proud of himself that if I wasn't busy worrying about sharing his DNA it would be quite endearing. However I can't stop the smile that spreads across my lips for long; Freddie might be a bit of an idiot sometimes (read: a lot of the time) but at least we all get a good laugh out of his constant expressions of wonderment.

"Or maybe it's just because you can be a bit of a bitch." Finn grins from next to me. I roll my eyes and shove him playfully, unfortunately knocking him into Dom. You may think I'm cranky but let me tell you I'm nothing compared to the part Weasley, part veela, part werewolf creation that is Dominique Weasley. One time Hugo beat her to the last roast potato at dinner and I swear he thought he'd never again see the light of day. Admittedly it was her time of the month (both of them) but still. And yet somehow it still seems the entire male population of Hogwarts is desperate to go out with her! I mean sure the girl's part veela but personally the anger management issues would turn me off a bit, especially when there are perfect girls like Jules walking around who's never even had a boyfriend! I don't understand boys.

Anyway it's fair to say Finn and I got a bit of a beating for daring to have fun whilst in Dom's presence. Obviously it was entirely selfish for us to 'interrupt her valuable time with a distinguished piece of literature' and after we promised we'd never dare to interrupt her reading time again, Finn leaned over to me until I could feel his hot breath tickling my ear. The sudden proximity made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up in a way that sent chills down my spine. For a fraction of a second I wondered why on Earth he felt the need to be so invasive until he whispered "Bagsy not sitting next to Dom on the carriage."

Damn.

Fortunately for us Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor decided to seat their students as far away from each other as possible in the Great Hall, meaning none of us had to sit through Dom's glares during the opening feast. Dom's had a fair bit of stick in her time for being the first Weasley sorted into Slytherin, although once it became common knowledge that the 11 year old wasn't afraid to hex anyone who brought it up people soon stopped mentioning it. And anyway, at least she was sorted there before Al was. That kid can be a right wuss sometimes.

My train of thought was interrupted by a particularly squeaky voice which caused me to avert my attention to the front of the Great Hall where Professor Flitwick was preparing to give his customary welcome speech. People at the back of the hall started craning their necks in an attempt to see the Headmaster hidden behind the podium, a waste of time if you ask me- they'd have better luck finding a gnome in a sack of potatoes.

"Good evening everyone and welcome to what I'm sure will be another magical year at Hogwarts." Flitwick begins, and so does Freddie who's mouthing the words beside me. Apparently when you hear the same awful joke 7 years running it becomes a bit predictable… who'd've guessed?

In fact it turns out that Freddie has memorised a solid 3 minutes of speech which is incredible really considering I hadn't even realised it was that repetitive, though I haven't paid attention to the whole speech since first year so that's probably my fault. And this year is no different- as Flitwick launches into his well practised recital of the dangers of the Forbidden Forest I let out an audible sigh and start to drum my fingers on the long wooden table. What? There's very little for a bored girl to do around here!

Apparently my incessant finger drumming was a tad annoying though as after a few minutes I received a harsh kick under the table causing me to jump several inches in the air and nearly fall off my seat. Not quite though. I still have some dignity left. Now I know I can be mildly irritating at times but considering Flitwick was currently prattling on about how violence cannot be tolerated I thought Finn was a bit out of line! Sure, feel free to nudge me but I'm a Weasley and a ginger and I bruise like a peach dammit!

Once I've finished nursing my leg I turn to Finn, sat opposite me, ready to yell to kingdom come about my delicate skin. Well no okay the speech isn't over so maybe I won't yell but I'll sure as hell whisper in an angry tone. I bet he's quaking in his boots right now. But as I turn to give Finn his comeuppance I notice the smirking boy sat beside him.

Now Hogwarts isn't exactly a large school. I mean the obviously the castle's huge but the number of students- you know what I mean, you tend to know most of the people your age. So looking at this boy who must have been around 16 or 17, I was rather thrown by the fact that I'd never seen him before in my life. And he wasn't a face you'd forget either; a thin face with deep set grey eyes but most noticeable was the hair so blonde I wondered if he was related to Dom. I half felt I needed to wear sunglasses before looking directly at it.

Once I'm over the shock of being nearly blinded I notice that it's not a 'hey this is just the way my face is' expression he's wearing but more of a 'ha I'm going to smirk because I just kicked you under the table and you almost fell over' face. A quick look over at Finn, who seems to be the only person in the room avidly paying attention to Flitwick, confirms that this kid is a little shit. And I'm allowed to be condescending because he's definitely not a seventh year so by default he must be younger than me, therefore making me superior. It's scientific fact.

Now this kid may have no qualms about physically abusing strangers but I, Rose Weasley, have a lot more class than that so I decide to shoot him a death glare and resolve to hex him next time we cross paths. I wonder how he'd take to a well placed hurling hex?

For the rest of the meal I steadfastly ignore the abusive boy with the luminescent hair and instead chat to the boys in between huge mouthfuls of food. I love them to pieces but I do sometimes wish I had some girl friends in Gryffindor, it can get a bit tiring having to hang out with these buffoons every evening. However one of the perks of being the only Gryffindor in your year is the unrestricted use of the empty boys dorm, which Dom and I converted into our secret den in third year. Okay maybe it's not much of a secret but it's still pretty cool. We've got bean bags, pillows, and a secret stash of honeyduke's finest. See this is why you befriend the granddaughter of Ambrosius Flume who also happens to be a darling that's perfectly willing to share all her supplies with you. Reason #54 why Jules is a perfect human being.

Because I'm craving some girl time, once the feast is over I dash to catch Jules and Dom before they head off to their respective dormitories. "Hey Jules, Dom!" I beckon my cousin over. "How do you guys fancy a sleepover to kick off your final year?"

Dom shrugs "Sure, I'd be down for that, beats spending the night with my dorm at any rate." I grin at her, thankful for once that Dom has such ghastly roommates. We turn to look expectantly at Jules who's biting her lip and staring down at the floor, refusing to catch our eyes. Dom's face quickly turns sour "Jules?" she prompts.

Jules starts rocking back on her heels as she always does when she's nervous "I don't know guys, it's just it's the first night and I kind of feel like I should stay in my dorm tonight…"

Dom cocks an eyebrow at her and folds her arms "Look Jules, I know you're a prefect and everything but you're still allowed to have fun every once in a while. You don't have to be such a goody two shoes all the time.'

"Dom," I warn, not liking her tone and noticing the Great Hall was emptying rapidly "just leave it. It doesn't matter-"

"All I was saying was that it wouldn't hurt her to break the rules every once in a while, there's no need to get so touchy!"

Jules shakes her head causing her loose curls to bob around her shoulders "No that's not it, you know I'd love to hang out with you guys, it's just that well… I kind of wanted to spend tonight with my friends in my house." she looks up at us apologetically.

Wait what? I didn't even realise she was close with her roommates and now suddenly we're being sidelined?

Apparently noticing the distasteful looks on our faces Jules hurries to explain "I mean I spent the whole train journey with you and I-"

"Hey Julia" a shrill voice calls out from across the room and I turn to see two preppy girls waving their arms frantically in our direction "Hurry up girlie we want to hear all the goss from the summer!"

Dom rolls her eyes and turns her back on them "Whatever Jules, we'll see you tomorrow." and with that Dom and I turn and head up the stairs towards Gryffindor tower.

"I mean can you believe her? Ditching us like that? And let me tell you I am not going to be replaced by someone who unironically uses the term 'girlie'!" 6 flights of stairs later and Dom's barely paused for breath throughout her continual assault on Jules.

It's going to be a long night.

The Fat Lady wasn't too pleased about letting Dom in, said it was 'improper' to let a Slytherin into the common room on the first night. She's a bit old fashioned like that, I mean it's not 1997 anymore- Slytherins aren't the outcasts they once were. Although part of me wishes she'd refused to let Dom in, at least then I wouldn't have to listen to her bitching for 6 hours straight.

"And when we were on the train we had those stupid boys there which isn't the same as just the three of us hanging out and she knows that but she decides to act like it was no big deal which clearly it is and honestly I-"

"Dom?" I say in the sweetest voice I can muster.

"-why do I even? Yeah?" For the first time in 20 minutes Dom seems to notice my existence.

"Why don't we just forget about Jules for now? We can talk to her about it in the morning but right now why don't we just head up to the Den, eat some chocolate and have a good time?" I should get a Nobel Peace Prize for my patience let me tell you.

Dom considers my proposal for a few seconds then nods "Yeah, yeah you're right Rose. We don't need her anyway the deserting little-"

"Dom?" I give her a stern look, the one that Uncle Harry always says reminds him of my Mum.

She brushes her short blunt hair behind her ear and has the grace to look abashed "Sorry." she mutters. I nod at her, satisfied with my handiwork. When you grow up in a family as big as mine you get very good at telling people off.

Now that Dom's calmed down we trek up the stairs to the sixth year boy's dormitory where pillows and fluffy blankets await us. Honestly who's idea was it to put the Gryffindor common room in a tower and would it have killed them to install an escalator at some point? Dom's bounding ahead thanks to her quidditch training (though I still don't see how sitting down qualifies as exercise but that's beside the point) but as is customary I'm out of breath by the time I reach the landing where Dom is waiting for me. How gracious of her.

She smiles slightly at my discomfort (I'm telling you there's a reason that girl's in Slytherin) and pushes open the door to our sanctuary. I follow behind, holding my breath slightly so as not to let on quite how unfit I am, and promptly walk into Dom who for some reason decided to stop dead in the doorway.

"Dom! What are you doing? Just go in already I'm exhausted!" but Dom doesn't reply. She just stares gobsmacked at the corner of the room hidden behind the open door.

Fed up with my idiot of a cousin I push past her and stick my head around the door to see quite what all the fuss is about.

And that's when it happens.

Where there should be my beautiful beanbag corner there was now a four poster bed with crimson hangings and a half naked teenage boy sat bolt upright under the sheets. A boy with silver blonde hair and a horrified expression on his face.

"What the hell are you doing in my room?!"

 **A/N:** So I decided to start up this story again, hopefully you all like enjoy this chapter since it's the first one that's really getting into the story. Any reviews are very much appreciated, and I hope you all have a lovely day


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